I started studying for my LSAT again. I found my motivation and my will to live 🙂 I made a schedule and I’m going to the library and not listening to music or spending time playing Bejeweled. Actually, I don’t even use my computer. All I do, for apparently a max of 5 hours, is study for the LSAT and give myself headaches from being such a hardcore studier.
Actually, I think that might be because I’m not drinking enough water.
Quick story about why I’m not drinking enough water and more reasons why I prefer Starbucks to the library: So, my library is pretty amazing–well, I think it’s amazing. My little niche where I sit and study is always available and it is quiet and I have an outlet right in front of me. It also has a semi-view (I say semi, because the view in my town isn’t pretty no matter what you do to it) and is situated next to the recycling bin. Score, right? It is. Unfortunately, there are some downsides to the library, such as:
1. I can’t go to the bathroom.
2. I can’t refill my water bottle.
3. The reasons I can’t do this thing is because I can’t leave my stuff unattended.
4. So why don’t I ask someone to watch my stuff? Because I trust no one, especially in this town and especially when I don’t know them and they are to watch over my precious baby Mac and my cute wallet (with all my info in it, btw).
5. So then why don’t I just take all my stuff? Really? Take up my books, my notebooks, my pens, pencils, and highlighters, my laptop and its cord, my coat and scarf? For a 10-minute bathroom break? For a run to the water fountain?
6. I have no idea where the bathrooms or the water fountains are.
So, I am chained to that chair until I decide to pack up my things, lose my spot, and leave. It makes me go a little crazy, but that’s why I sit by a window. When I feel crazy inside, I take a deep breath, take a five minute break and stare out the window, maybe watch the trains pass.
None of this happens at Starbucks. The only downside of Starbucks is that I spend money and I get about half the work done. Unfortunately, being unemployed and then having this last-chance LSAT looming over my head, these issues are quite important! It means that the library wins and that my health suffers, which it would probably do anyways (you know, coffee and fibrocystic growths and life expectancy).
Going on to the second story; I had a breakdown at the library today.
I was going over my answers on a drill and there was this one question that I spent two extra minutes on (which is a very long time in LSAT world) and I got it wrong. So, so wrong. As I was reading through the reasoning, I realized that not only did I not understand the answer’s reasoning, but I also didn’t understand the argument in the first place (LSAT terminology, yay… kill me). I spent five minutes reading over that argument and taking it apart and I still didn’t see what the book was saying. I apparently have no idea what “most artists mistakenly think that models need to be taken only from the outside of the psyche,” means. I still don’t, but neither does my friend, which makes me feel a little better.
However, I didn’t know that those words were clearly unintelligible at the time. I thought I was an idiot. The combination of me feeling idiotic, me being very thirsty, me being quite hungry as well, me being in the library for 5 hours, me being a mass of high and low, and some high schooler sitting two seats away from me laughing every five minutes and driving me crazy resulted in me bursting into tears at the library, right in front of a window. There was a library employee putting books away behind me and I could see him staring at me through the reflection of the window.
I wasn’t even done reading through the reasoning.
After I calmed down, I tried to get through it again and burst into tears ago. This happened three more times. The fourth time, the brat employee was actually laughing at me (little brat). So I never finished reading that question and kept moving on. I finished and decided that my mental state won that battle and that my mental state wanted to go home and eat bread.
I went home and ate pineapple (we don’t have bread anymore). My mom made me hot chocolate. It appears my mother is sympathetic to my plight (unlike those blonde white girls at yoga–story for a different time).
This whole 100% devoted to studies thing is very hard.